Written by Sidney Bollocks
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Sunday, 16 September 2012

image for Irish Newspaper Goes One Better In Topless Royal Scandal
Tits out for the lads!

Not to be outdone in the media frenzy surrounding the recent exposure of the Duchess of Cambridge's modest breasts, the Irish tabloid, The Sunday Gobshite, has printed rather unflattering photos of another senior member of the British Royal Family.

The Gobshite's editor, Ronan O'Slatherer, explained the reason for his decision to publish, what some people regard as particularly lewd images of Camilla, Duchess of Cornwall. He told us "Who is interested in breasts these days? It doesn't matter whose they are, breasts are just so old hat. You just have to look at what stuff people are viewing on the internet, and it ain't breasts."

Mr O'Slatherer went on to say, "Now, we have uncovered some shots of a young Camilla, seemingly fisting a horse. And I don't mean just fisting, she was in up to her armpit! That is what people want to see today, not breasts. This is really going to put The Gobshite on the media map. Look out Paris-Match and Hello magazine, The Gobshite has landed! Bring it on Buckingham Palace, we'll take everything you can throw at us!"

A Buckingham Palace spokesman commented, "These photos are over 40 years old. At the time, the Duchess was courting a chap who was an Army veterinary surgeon. The Duchess has advised us that she was assisting her husband-to-be with a particularly difficult delivery of a foal. The emergence of these photos is not a problem for us. Besides, fisting is only something which goes on between senior male royals and their footmen."

Somewhat disconcerted by Buckingham Palace's lack of concern, Mr O'Slatherer was heard instructing a junior reporter to hunt down the notorious and elusive photos of HM The Queen Mother consuming a non-alcoholic beveridge.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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