Written by queen mudder
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Wednesday, 15 August 2012

image for Ecuador orders Julian Assange to quit London embassy
Chomped his way through the embassy's entire catering budget for 2012-2014

London - The fugitive from justice has been given 48 hours to leave the London legation where he has 'become a burden' on the embassy's fridge, wine store and broadband allowance.

Announcing the deadline a source close to Ecuador's President Rafael Correa said Julian Assange 'had gained 40lbs' since being granted unfettered access to the embassy's provisions.

"Assange is stuffed," Quito Wait-Watchers spokesperson Rudi Hornado commented, "mostly with imported delicacies prepared by consular chefs from the nation's endangered species list."

Consumption so far is believed to include copious Ecuadorean signature dishes like braised Galapagos turtle trotters, roast cuy [guinea pig a l'ancienne] and Petroecuador rainforest fudge pudding from the Lago Agrio national cook book.

In addition the embassy's chief sommelier has reported that 20 cases of Aguardiente - a popular sugar cane spirit - 'are missing' from the legation's electronically-protected tantalus 'whose combination has been mysteriously hacked'.

"Julian Assange has refused to do the washing up and has outstayed his welcome," Ambassador Ana Alban Mora's sous-chef tweeted this afternoon.

"You can have him back anytime Friday when the legation closes for annual holidays."

Extradition warrant cops are waiting on the Hans Crescent doorstep.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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