Written by queen mudder
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Topics: Tony Blair, London

Tuesday, 20 June 2006

image for Blair to get new Hellforce One
"And 70 Virginians if you die on-board Mr Blair"

London - (Associated Mess): The UK civil aviation industry has announced that it is going to club together and buy Prime Monster Tony Blair his very own aircraft. The news comes after Cherie Blair's accountant advised there were buckets of cash to be made by leasing out airplanes to the CIA's no-frills perdition rendition flights scheme which flies Taleban suspects into near-misses with landmark skyscraper buildings until they confess to being part of the War of Terra.

The move was immediately dubbed 'Hellforce One' when UK hacks discovered that the sponsors behind the idea are senior Hellfire Club grandees in the Ministry of Defence who personally stand to make $$$$$$$$$$$$$$$s in airmiles fees if the idea ever takes off.

A Hellfire spokesman had earlier complained that it was "about bloody time that Blair flew our colours" each time he made yet another useless trans-atlantic PR flight promoting the values of consenting adults worldwide who had so far evaded the Metropolitan Police's Operation Landslide.

It is thought that the first Blair plane will be specially commissioned from British Aerospace's Saudi slush fund division which is currently brimming with cash after No 10 Downing Street agreed to a Bush Administration initiative of whitewashing the criminal records of all members of the Bin Laden family who were allowed to leave New York and Washington DC under official US military protection so suddenly after the events of 9/11.

Several designs are understood to have been discussed for the new Hellforce One craft. The emerging favorite design is said to be startlingly reminiscent of the Thunderbirds 2 plane - possibly because of its obvious eco-friendly image as reflected in its green colouring. And maybe because of the positive image it would project of Blair as world hero on a messianic mission to save the planet.

UK airline industry bosses welcomed today's news. The Virgin Group's CEO Richard Branson was heard to remark that Hellforce One would reflect the right kind of Mile-High Club flying message of the country's leader and suggested that Mr Blair might even like to inaugurate Virgin's own ScramJet maiden flight, which is scheduled to make a one-way trip towards Mars later this year to retrieve the ill-fated Beagle explorer mission.

Meanwhile, Buckingham Palace sources have confirmed that Her Majesty is "not amused" at the prospect of sharing any of her own carriers with the PM or his entourage after the last time Mrs Blair borrowed one of the Queen's Flight and forgot to clean the on-board bathroom.

Some of the Queen's corgis are understood to have developed a nasty allergy after coming into contact with Blair's heirs that were clogging up the plug-hole in the shower after Cherie had enjoyed one of her famous therapeutic holistic massages while on a recent trip to Malaysia....

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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