Written by Joe Leff
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Topics: Old Age, longevity

Tuesday, 17 July 2012

People who live in the country are living longer than urban dwellers - and have better sex lives, according to researchers who investigate rumours.

The Wildlife Society believes that it's the greener life that delivers these benefits, but country folk reckon a bit of 'blue stuff' helps, too.

"I was born in a field and I've lived and loved here ever since," said 127-year-old Nobby Barn, from Upper Slapuntickel, a remote hamlet in the Yorkshire Dales.

The researchers, from the Psychosexual Agricultural College, also found that rural people who live in cottages have sex more often.

"Cottagers just can't get enough," said Dr Irma Nozebugha. "They're always at it in the woods and fields round here."

Mr Barn also liked the benefits of living in a small country cottage. "Not having to go upstairs to bed makes all the difference. I can save my stamina for more important things," he said, winking cheekily.

Ann Kipankie (108) loves rural remoteness, and fields and footpaths. "I find that lovely squelchy mud really sensuous - I get all slippery. And not having TV means you've more time for other stuff. Sometimes I don't know whether I'm coming or going."

(But, according to her neighbours, she's a real 'goer').

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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