Written by Simon Saunders
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Tuesday, 10 July 2012

image for BBC To Announce Major Changes To Political Line-Up
The BBC are set to plumb new depths to attract new viewers.

A leaked BBC management memo has revealed a host of changes to the corporations political line-up.

According to the memo, several of the BBC's political heavyweights are to be replaced in what many reckon is the biggest BBC shake up in years.

Perhaps the biggest change will see David Dimbleby replaced as Question Time host by ex-Sex Pistol Johnny Rotten. Rotten, real name John Lydon, appeared on the show last week and impressed BBC bigwigs immensely. Highlights of his performance included calling Tory MP Louise Mensch a "silly cow" and interrupting a male audience member to call him a "dozy bugger". The BBC ditched plans to ask former Match of the Day host Jimmy Hill to replace Dimbleby in the wake of Lydon's performance. Hill is said to be chinbroken at the revelation.

Other changes will see Scottish ladyboy Wee Jimmy Krankie taking over the Newsnight reins from one man politician crushing machine Jeremy Paxman.

Wee Jimmy should be well equipped to deal with slippery politicians having been a regular on Question Time in the 80's. Some commentators have described Wee Jimmy as the "best Prime Minister we never had". However, former Question Time ringmaster Sir Robin Day was less complimentary. During a live Question Time shortly before the Falklands war Sir Robin called Krankie a "right little shit stirrer" after he alleged that Margaret Thatcher attended the same gender confusion workshop as he had been to in the early 70's.

We attempted to contact Wee Jimmy but he was unavailable for comment as it was past his bedtime when we called.

There will also be a welcome return to our T.V screens for the hilarious Mr Blobby. Noel Edmonds' former sidekick and confidante will be the new host of This Week. Current host, Andrew Neil, will be moving on to become one of the new Blue Peter presenters.

We attempted to catch a word with Mr Blobby at a Westminster bar in the early hours of this morning but to no avail. After uttering some unintelligible nonsense and falling through a glass table, to much gut-busting laughter, we left him to it.

Andrew Marr, the human gargoyle of BBC politics, is to lose his Sunday morning show. The imaginatively titled 'Andrew Marr Show' is to be revamped with Julian Clary and Norman Lamont taking the helm. The new title for the show will be 'Clary and Lamont's Political Fisticuffs'. The title is a clear nod to Clary's controversial comments at the 1993 British Comedy Awards when he joked that he had been performing a sexual act on the then Chancellor of the Exchequer round the back of the set. Since that incident Clary and Lamont have become firm friends and have even drawn up an economic plan to help get the UK out of the current never ending crisis.

A BBC spokesman wouldn't comment on any specific changes but he did give us a little hint when he described the new political line up as being "fan'dabi'dozi."

Meanwhile, Daily Mail theatre critic and regular contributor to a number of BBC political shows, Quentin Letts, has been banned with immediate effect from all BBC programming due to public demand.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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