Written by Oleg the Tumor
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Friday, 15 June 2012

image for Scotland Yard and Interpol Hired to Help SERN Find the Higgs Boson.   Arrest warrant issued.  ID check now required of all particles at  borders.  Pushing the envelope with "Outsource Limit Test"?
Attention: Particles! Please form a queueÂ… Stay to the left, please.

Interpol Headquarters, Lyon -SERN officials have announced a "joint partnership," Involving Scotland Yard and the International Criminal Police Organization as the largest particle hunt in history goes into full gear to capture the elusive Higgs Boson.

As the huge facility straddles two countries, officials contend, it only makes sense to have two checkpoints to ensure that there is no funny business going on. Units from both agencies will be stationed at both borders. Who is checking who is not clear.

Critics aren't so sure this will work. An unnamed source at Scotland Yard said, "Bloody 'ell! Wuzzat ga' a do w' it?"

And many others seem to share the common sentiment shared by most cost-conscious Londoners:

"Nat 'nough crap ta kick tru a 'r own do'e? We ga' a fix 'airs, too? 'sall crap y'noo? Are they payin' O'r we? A right kick to the tits is wha' a tis! "

At the rubber chicken dinner used as an excuse for a press conference, the message was plain and a bit too frank actually:

"Our first choice was the French Foreign Legion, since none of them were hanged at Nuremberg, but we found out they were padding their costs and as such, we were required to decline use of their services, " the SERN official and Harley Street chiropractor said under conditions closely resembling anonymity.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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