This is the shattering news just released from Buckingham Palace. The Queen, laying aside her Crown, announced to a startled media - on the brink of a Diamond Jubilee Bonanza - that she had decided that 'we are all in this together' and that the hereditary privileges of the monarchy were ridiculous.
'Why on earth should I and my family be selected as monarchs in this country? I can tell you I'm pretty sick at the thought of being a descendant of that murderer called Henry VIII or that gross and scandalous womaniser George IV when he was the Prince Regent. We must usher in a new era of social justice and equality.'
A startled Prince Charles is being approached by 'senior figures in the Establishment' to take over from his mother, whilst declaring her not 'up to the job'.
It is thought that Charles is all for his mother's statement.
'It's all over' he has told friends 'I can now live a normal life and I know my children will be keen to lay aside the ghastly job of shaking hands day and night.'