Written by queen mudder
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Topics: UFO, dildo, Primrose Hill

Friday, 25 May 2012

image for Primrose Hill humming UFO 'nothing more than some luvvy's vibrator' - report
Nocturnal ET craft emissions, eh?

London - A lunar-powered battery charger servicing the latest in dildo technology has been outed as the source of an 'alien' hum.

Three months of intensive MoD probing investigated paranoid Primrose Hill residents' claims that some sort of extraterrestrial craft was making nocturnal sorties above their homes.

This weekend the report's findings say the deep, sporadic night-time humming has been traced to one of the Hill's famous thespians.

NOT Sienna, Sadie or any other Z-Lister - but a well-known actress from bygone daze.

Now the fourth floor windowsill of a Regent's Park Road penthouse is the prime suspect housing the high-tech gadget following a worried neighbor's complaint that 'something's interferring with the Freeview porn channel signal'.

"It's buggering up my TV reception," St Marks Square resident Bunty Pylchard commented today, "just as a creepy greenish light flickers from her-across-the-road's hot tub.

"Always suspected the famous lady that lives there was a, er, solo operator."

A spokesperson for the nearby American ambassador's residence in Regent's Park Outer Circle hinted heavily last week that the intermittent noise had even kept the US envoy up at night.

Reports linking the aural phenomenon to the US government's High Frequency Active Auroral Research Program [HAARP] were dismissed as fanciful pie-in-the-sky, however.

Louis B Susman is 69.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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