Written by IainB
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Monday, 21 May 2012

image for Mini named most inappropriately named car of the year
Somebody driving their Monster Truck out of the back of a Mini

The Mini, the iconoclastic automobile has won another award to add to it's bulging trophy cabinet: most inappropriately named car of the year.

"For a car called a Mini," said Jeremy Clarkson, co-presenter on BBC2's car magazine show, Top Gear!, "you would expect a mini car. The sort of car I wouldn't be able to get in. At least, not without taking an angle grinder to it and turning it into a convertible."

According to Clarkson, he has no such worries with the Mini.

"It's mammoth," he said. "In fact, that would have been a better name for it. The Mammoth. Bigger than the Skoda Yeti. I really should have been in advertising. You could park a Range Rover on the back seat it's that big."

The Mini's huge size is what has led it to winning the inglorious award of Most Inappropriately Named Car of the Year.

"It was quite a surprise, really," said Clarkson. "The Most Inappropriately Named Car of the Year has been won by the Suzuki Swift for the past twenty-five years. Ever since the first Swift was pushed off the production line, it has been winning the award. This is because being pushed off the production line is the swiftest a Suzuki Swift will ever travel."

Suzuki are said to be 'steaming mad' about the loss fo the award that they have owned for so long, an award they had taken off the Lada Luxury.

"Lada only won the award once," Clarkson said, unable to shut up. "No sooner had the award been invented when Suzuki waded in with the world's slowest car."

Now Mini have snatched the award, and Suzuki are looking to see how they can get it back.

"To be honest," said Clarkson, still on a roll, "I don't see quite how Suzuki will take the award back while Mini are making a car larger than my house. It's so large, I've moved my house into it. The boot is the garage for my other five cars."

Suzuki may produce a version of their Swift that they call the Formula One, although it may not win most inappropriately named car, it would most certainly win the most ironically named car.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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