Written by armfeetandtoe
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Topics: Dorking, ww2

Monday, 21 May 2012

image for Dorking WW2 Memorial Society. Shock discovery
Karlz Berge

Dorking WW2 Memorial Society discovered two Panzer Elite Troops hiding under the stage in their club house. The men, brewing Ersatz coffee forgot to open a small window they had made in the wall with the result that the smell filled the lounge bar and billiard hall. Mr Trout, club secretary called in cleaner Mrs Formal and together they searched out the aroma.

"I had my nose to the dance floor, the smell was so strong" said Mrs Formal.

"And I had my nose right behind her" explained Mr Trout.

Club Chairman Mrs Enid Blighty was summoned and it was decided to call in the club's SAS appreciation Society affiliated members. The men are ex serving train drivers but have read every book Andy McNab has written. Arnold Scabbard approached the men and asked them to put their hands up and surrender. "They don't like it up em see" explained Mr Scabbard. "The Germans saw my broom and knew I would use it if they did not comply".

Mr Barnie Rouble stood guard while the Germans made their way out from under the stage.
"It was touch and go, I stood fast with me mop just in case they made a run for it. Mrs Formal had a loaded pail full of slops and she was ready to use it mate I can tell you".

Eighty three year old Karlz Burge appeared first. Then his comrade Ninety year old Heinz Zoop slowly came out from under the stage floor, their home for nearly sixty years.

I had an exclusive interview with the men before they were set free to claim a state pension.

"Karlz, how did you end up under the stage?"

"Vell, ve vos vaiting for ein buz to zer London and as is typical of zer engerlander, ein buz
vos late when it arrive vee are told no room on zer top an must vate for der new one. Zer people of Dorking get suspicious of our uniforms mit der Panzer badges zo vee hide in der cloob house and vate for der morning has coming for our escape"

"Heinz, why did you hide for so long?"

"In zer morning vee wait for ein cleaning frau to go, zen vee try unt door and it is bolted from outside mit der paddle lock so vee haff zer breakfast unt fall asleep. In zer evening they haff zer concert party mit der dance unt song and zo vee are shtook"

In fact, the men had such a great time listening to Mrs thrope singing popular songs of the age, they did not want to go back to Germany. Karlz and Heinz ate food left over from functions and committee meetings and from nowhere, someone left a tin of Ersatz coffee. This was to prove to be their undoing. These extraordinary people will be given free membership to the club provided they can produce references of their good character and standing within the community.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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