Kensington Palace, London: Tuesday 11 April 2006 - (Associated Mess): Baubles once worn by Princess Margaret are to be sold off at auction later this year as the taxman finally catches up with descendants of the late HRH, whose demise in 2002 sent shockwaves in the Medellin cartel in Colombia and bankrupted several thousand Bogota based coca farmers whose livelihood had depended entirely on her 60 year long habit for their organic produce.
HM Revenue & Customs has submitted an inheritance tax bill, believed to be in excess of ?0550 million, to the executors of her estate following an official rejection of the House of Mountbatten's usual plea-bargain IOUs and promissory notes written on the back of numbered sheets of recycled Buckingham Palace-crested lavatory paper.
It is hoped that the bill can be settled by auctioning off some of her most prized jewelry, including the Joseph Stalin tiara and matching ear-rings, given to her by grateful admirers in the UK's Hellfire Club on her 21st birthday.
Also of value are a diadem and accompanying necklace from Fidel Castro which Margaret received as a token of the Cuban leader's esteem following the successful whitewashing by the Warren Commission's into the November 1963 Dallas assassitation of President John F Kennedy.
A matching bracelet and watch from General Manuel Noriega is also listed as one of the auction lots and is believed to have been awarded to Margaret in recognition of international trade services rendered in the field of agricultural export services between farmers in Colombia and the Panamanian Central Bank.
The jewel in the crown, however, is bound to be the official Mountbatten Coronet which, as HRH The Countess of Snowdon, Margaret wore to President Ronald Reagan's inaugural balls in January 1981 where she acted as the official representative of HM Queen Elizabeth II. The diamond-encrusted headpiece is an old family heirloom, believed to have been handed down through the generations and personally bequeathed to Margaret by one of her greatest admirers, one Obergruppen Fuhrer Heinrich Himmler Esq.
Many mystical qualities are allegedly associated with this Coronet and legend purports that whosoever wears it next will be the next titular head of the Medellin Cartel....