Written by IainB
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Thursday, 19 April 2012

image for UK braces itself for a rainbow swarm
A rainbow slicing its way through a forest

The Meteorological Office is issuing an amber warning to residents of the UK to prepare itself for a rainbow swarm as the wet weather sweeping the country causes spontaneous rainbow generation in all parts.

"As we all know," said Michael Fish of the Met Office, "rainbows can be deadly. With the cyclonic air movement sweeping wet weather in off the Atlantic, we expect that the incidence, prevalence and number of rainbows right across the British Isles will increase over the coming days. People should only travel when necessary."

The M6 was closed yesterday evening near Stoke after several driers were involved in a pile up that rescuers have put down to rainbows.

"They look pretty," said Jack Carr, one of the first responders to the scene, "but people underestimate the power of a fast moving rainbow. They're on you before you know it, and that's it then."

Britain's last rainbow swarm was more than fifty years ago in 1937, and despite there being less traffic on the roads, there were still a number of fatalities. The Met Office expect that this rainbow swarm will be of a greater intensity than the 1937 swarm. This coupled with the massive increase in road traffic and population could lead to a very serious situation.

"We advise," said Fish, "that if a driver, or in rare cases, a pedestrian, sees a rainbow swarm, that they pull over where safe, close their eyes tightly and wait it out."

Despite the rain lashing the south east of England driving the rainbow swarm, the hosepipe ban will remain in place.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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