Written by Nick Hobbs
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Friday, 13 April 2012

image for Curse Of Friday 13th Befalls Blackburn Man
Gilchrist, as the onslaught continued.

Friday the thirteenth is a day to be feared. Many people choose to stay in bed on the traditionally unlucky day, named after the slasher film franchise starring the un-killable Jason Vorhees.

But few suffer the misfortune that befell Terry Gilchrist of Blackburn on this notorious date.

Gilchrist, a traffic warden in the Lancashire town, was patrolling as normal when he noticed an illegally parked car in a side street.

Approaching the vehicle, Gilchrist noted the personalised number plate, reading CB 1. Intrigued, but undeterred, Gilchrist began writing his ticket, when he heard an all too familiar phrase from behind.

"Oh dear, oh dear!"

Turning, Gilchrist was met with the wizened, craggy faces of Britain's most annoying 'comedy' duo, The Chuckle Brothers.

What ensued was a relentless, unforgiving barrage of childish slapstick for over three solid hours.

"I was trapped," Gilchrist told us from his hospital bed, "I had the car behind me blocking the alley, and they'd closed off the opening with their constant falling over and spilling paint. All I kept hearing was 'to me, to you' and 'oh dear, oh dear'. It was like a record stuck on repeat."

Sally Whittaker, head of the Blackburn Psychological Trauma unit, told us "an attack of this magnitude, although rare, will have undoubtedly left deep, deep psychological scars for Mr Gilchrist. I truly can't imagine what he's been through, I mean a ten minute skit on the TV is truly horrendous, but to be subjected to three and a half hours, in exceptionally close proximity just can't bare thinking about!"

The damage to his mind may possibly be irreparable. Mr Gilchrist will remain at the specialist unit, under complete observation for the foreseeable future.

The brothers were interrupted during the attack by the approach and subsequent disembarkation of the number 73 from Preston. Witnesses say they fled to a nearby industrial estate. The car has been impounded.

The pair are considered childish and dangerous, and should only be approached with ear plugs and large batons.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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