Written by Bill Licks
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Topics: Jesus, London 2012

Monday, 2 April 2012

image for Christ on a bike to compete for Team GB at the Olympics
Sports Personality of the year 2012?

Legendary prophet and son of God, Jesus Christ is the latest in the line of 'Plastic Brits' to sign up for Team GB at the 2012 London Olympics.

The Messiah has shown an interest in several sports in his time spent in the afterlife and has recently been bitten by the cycling bug. He posted a career best in the Tour De Limbo when he went head to head with serial killer Fred West and despite not winning the overall Yellow jersey, he was victorious in several hill climb stages to give him the coveted King of the Mountains trophy.

'I'm delighted' said Christ as he visited the Olympic Velodrome in Stratford for the first time today. 'I've been looking forward to this moment for nearly 2012 years and all that hard work I've put in over the last millennium has paid off.'

'I'd just like to thank my Dad for giving me the chance to resurrect my career after I spent years in the wilderness recovering from injury when I was crucified. My stigmata have held me back from competing in many sports like baseball or darts, so it's a miracle that I discovered cycling.'

'Even though I was born in Palestine I've always wanted to compete for Team GB. People back home maybe calling me Judas but I've got more chance of winning Gold in the team pursuit with the likes of Chris Hoy and ascending the podium listening to Dad Save the Queen when they raise the Union Jack.'

Chair of the London 2012 Organising Committee, Lord Sebastian Coe has denied that signing Christ up for Team GB is nothing more than a publicity stunt.

'He is the Chosen One' said Coe 'I chose him because he has plenty of Spirit and throwing him into the one of the greatest sporting events Britain has ever seen may be a Baptism of fire, but he's no Virgin Mary when it comes to competing and he'll give up his Last Supper to win gold for Team GB.'

'Right that's the end of this press conference I've got no more Messiah related puns. Christ on a fucking bike, do peope really expect us to win any gold medals without borrowing a few foreigners?'

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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