In the light of the Sunday Times revelations that the Tory party are taking money in exchange for access to David Cameron the Prime Minister has come out fighting.
Far from distancing himself from the whole sorry debacle he has announced that he is accepting a large (thought to be in the region of £10m) handout from coffee giants Nestling in return for being the face of their new Arabica offering, called Cafetory.
It is understood that Cameron has agreed to prominent product placement, jars being put on the Cabinet table, and set on the Woolpack in the House of Commons.
In addition to this the actress Sharon Maughan is being wheeled out of retirement to reprise the famous adverts she made in the 70's and 80's with actor Anthony Head. However, these scenes will be filmed with Mr. Cameron taking the lead role.
In one scene which was made available in advance Mr. Cameron is seen ravishing Ms. Maughan over a dinner table, whilst whispering, "Can I give you a hot drink before we have our coffee?"
A spokespersonnage for Nestling told us, "We are most excited about the Tory's offer of access to the P.M. Our new brand and Mr. Cameron have something in common. One is a rich blend, the other is a rich bell-end."