Written by IainB
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Sunday, 25 March 2012

image for Pennines are to be moved back
Norman Baker surveys the first hill to be moved

Only weeks into the project of moving the Pennines thirty miles east, it has been decided to move them back again. However, due to the nature of the move, the Pennines will have to be completely moved thirty miles east before moving them thirty miles west.

"We have to complete the project," said project manager, Lynn Kings. "The contract stipulates that the whole of the Pennines have to be moved thirty miles west, and that is what will happen."

So far, only one hill has been moved, and critics claim that it would be easier to move that one hill back than to move all seven hundred and ninety-one hills and then move them back again.

"Whilst it might be true that moving one hill is easier than moving eight hundred," said Kings, "that's not the way contracts work. We signed a contract in good faith to move the Pennines thirty miles east, and that's what we will do."

The project to move the Pennines was started in order to link Leeds and London with a high speed rail link. However, it has now been discovered that there was a typographical error in the plans, and it is not Leeds that is being linked to London with a high speed rail link, it is is Penzance that is to be linked to London.

"We don't know how the error crept in," said transport minister, Norman Baker. "However, questions were asked, such as 'Why would anybody want to go to Leeds?'"

Lawyers have been over the contract to see if it possible to have it cancelled, but unfortunately, Jovis Construction know how to make a contract cast iron.

"What we have decided to do," said Baker, "is to employ another company, possibly Barvis Construction, to move the Pennines thirty miles west. This project will start in a couple of weeks with the hill that has already been moved."

This will mean that shortly after being moved east, the hills will then be moved back again.

"Our only hope is that Barvis work at the same speed as Jovis," said Baker. "It could get confusing if Barvis overtake Jovis."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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