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Saturday, 24 March 2012

image for Local Man Left Gobsmacked By Jacket Potato Flavoured Crisps
What Next? Dorking Review Flavoured Crisps Endorsed By Gary Lineker?

Local man, Martin Shuttlecock was left gobsmacked at the factory where he works this week as a work colleague produced a packet of 'Jacket Potato' flavoured crisps at breaktime.

The man, who we shall call Matt for the purposes of journalistic licence, and because he really is called Matt, produced the crisps at break time, saying that he'd seen the crisps in a supermarket and thought he'd give them a try.

Although he didn't offer Shuttlecock one. To try. The tight fisted sod.

Jacket potato flavoured crisps? How does that work?

To Shuttlecock's stunted intellect, having jacket potato flavoured crisps equated to putting a slice of bread between two slices of bread and calling it a bread sandwich.

"Maybe I've got this all wrong," Shuttlecock admitted. "But to me, it's like crumbling a packet of crisps into another packet of crisps and calling them 'Crisp Flavoured Crisps' Or pouring a dash of beer into a glass of beer and calling it 'Beer Flavoured Beer' That's just fucking stupid is that. Crisps are made out of potatoes, ergo they naturally taste like potatoes. They don't taste like fucking sun dried tomatoes, do they? At least, not until you put sun dried tomatoes on them. Whoever devised the concept of jacket potato flavoured crisps must either be a genius, or a raving nutter. And I bet the spawny twat gets paid at least fifty grand a year. The world's gone mad if you ask me."

Matt later reported that the crisps were: "Quite nice."

And you can't say fairer than that.

More as we get it.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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