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Friday, 23 March 2012

Ex-Brookside actor Brian Regan has been jailed for his part in making the plot-lines which have become the hallmark of the BBC's flagship soap Eastenders appear remotely realistic.

Regan, who was originally charged with murder following the death of a nightclub doorman in Liverpool, was convicted of a lesser charge of giving credence to crass televisual dramatisations.

A spokesperson for BBC Drama, Hilary Storrie, said they were delighted at the development.

She told reporters, 'Well, we cannot deny it has been an awfully long time coming.

'Much like the decision to end the endlessly dreary trash that is Eastenders, but here we finally have an incident that gives us the right to say yes, our storylines are befitting of everyday life.'

'That it comes from an ex-Channel 4 employee just serves to make the revelation all the more sweet.'

Ms Storrie hoped there would now follow a raft of preposterous crimes to make other nonsensical programmes on the BBC schedule fit for purpose.

'We'll most definitely be keeping our eyes peeled for events such as a job interview conducted with all fifteen hopelessly incompetent applicants being judged by an out dated, belligerent old fool.'

Avid TV licence fee payer, Trevor Bounce, was critical of the BBC's overall output, likening it to the christening of a day old dog stool.

'Sure you might turn up to wets its head so to speak, but you wouldn't want it beemed into your home on a nightly basis.'

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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