Written by Earnest Digger
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Topics: Labour, loans

Friday, 17 March 2006

image for Blair clears up loan cash mystery
Mr Blair with the share account book

Following his earlier news conference, at which he admitted that the treasurer of the Labour Party should have known about the loans from businessmen, Mr Blair held a second news conference tonight.

During the conference Mr Blair produced a Co-Operative society share book and explained that the reason the loans had been overlooked was because the cheques had been paid into this rather than passed on to the treasurer. "The cheques had been stuck behind the clock on the mantelpiece along with some letters from Gordon Brown," explained a confident looking Mr Blair, "They had only been noticed when Leo was looking for a piece of paper to do a drawing of Uncle Dubya. It was Saturday, Cherie was popping down to the Co-Op for some teabags, so I asked her to put it in the Labour Party share account. You know how things get forgotten about when they are stuck behind the clock!"

Mr Blair also repeated his claims that he had not recommended anyone for a peerage just because they had given a loan to the Labour Party. "These claims are outrageous. My record speaks for itself. Look at the people I have elevated, old mates, ex-employers, ex-flatmates, guys I went to university with. I can assure you that you will not get a peerage out of me if all you are going to do is loan money to the Labour Party."

Mr Blair also cleared up one further point, "I will take away the right of Prime Ministers to make new Piers, I am sorry Brighton you are on your own."
Mr Blair refused to say who benefits from the dividend card that comes with the Co-Op share account.

It has also been revealed that other parties may have used dubious methods to obtain party funding.

The £3,000,000 that the Conservative Party found down the back of the sofa has raised eyebrows since Mr Cameron has admitted the sofa came from the home of Mr Richard de b'stard now Lord Squirrel of Oakingham. The Lib Dems also have questions to answer over the £2,500,000 they raised at a bring and buy sale held at the home of Lord Badger of Botheringham, formerly Mr Reg Gilbert, as he was the only one who brought or bought.

In a further development Mr Arnold O'Carroll of the Whitecroft ratepayer and ban all road tax party admitted that he had borrowed the price of a pint of Holdens from Terry. Gloucestershire Police confirmed Mr O'Carroll has been taken into custody whilst enquiries take place.

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