Written by queen mudder
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Sunday, 4 March 2012

image for Balls Pond Road couple in Routemaster tragedy
Back to the grim alternative

London - Islington residents Russell and Ivy Bong's dreams of riding the newly resurrected hop-on/hop-off Routemaster to their ruby wedding piss-up in Dalston took a heavy blow tonight.

The Balls Pond Road couple first tied the knot in 1972 after getting stoned on homegrown and successfully evading the 1/6d fare to the Registry Orifice with some nifty footwork on the No 38's rear platform.

A romantic re-enactment of that nuptial tour de force lies in ruins tonight amid news that the £1.4million newfangled resurrected Routemaster - or Boris Bus as it is known - is hors de combat with teething problems just 24 hours after its maiden voyage.

Apparently the folding security doors that lie dormant at the side of the rear platform entrance accidentally snared some hapless fare-dodger who failed the necessary Oyster card swipe while sneaking aboard enroute to Hackney last Thursday.

That means the entire 20-strong fleet has been grounded and the Bongs' dreams of riding upstairs along Raspberry Avenue, Upper Gumtree Street Islington, The Only Way Is Essex Road and their own inimicable Balls Pond Road to tomorrow's shindig lie in tatters tonight.

The alternative of travelling on one of those 'ghastly' Transport for London sardine cans or bendy buses is anathema to the Bongs whose trip down nuptial Memory Lane has reverted to the drawing board.

The price of Stoke Newington Sinsemilla remains a competitive £200 per pounce - er...ounce.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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