Written by queen mudder
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Wednesday, 29 February 2012

image for Heheh, by remote control from Purgatory? Plaid Cymru soothsayers rubbish Queen's opening of Olympics
Help me George, they want me to choke to death over some horrid hacking leak!

Cardiff - Welsh Nationalist seers have laughed off suggestions that Queen Elizabeth will actually ever open the London 2012 Games.

Their St David's Eve seance at Caernarfon Castle saw some spooky funereal hexoplasm materialise to answer queries about HM's life expectancy odds.

An apparition of the national symbol of a red Welsh Dragon strutting over a daffodil-strewn royal coffin confirmed ancient Celtic predictions about 'the Queen's imminent RIP'.

This coincides with Welsh QM-NewsCorpse descriptions about a vision of the Queen 'in a maximum security straitjacket nightdress after a double-dose of prescription largactil still saw her thrashing around wildly in her four poster at night, tortured by medication-defying nocturnal emissions'.

"She's ready to pop her clogs tonight, boyo," renowned Welsh Hellfire Club medium Blodwen Pendragon predicted confidently, "probably choke to death over some dreadful hacking leak."

Seance attendees later commented that the Welsh Dragon apparition was in itself a bit suspicious and recalled Sir Winston Churchill's opinion that the fabled beast's agenda was 'odious design(s) expressing nothing but spite, malice, ill-will and monstrosity'.

"Could be a Chinese dragon, of course," London College of Psychic Studies sources commented, "it being the year of the ruby water dragon, traditional debunker of cold war impostors.

"Wanna see pix of the Prince of Wales being suckled - aged two - by the Loch Ness Monster?"

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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