Written by Skoob1999
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Saturday, 25 February 2012

image for Apache Helicopter Attacks Dorking Kebab Van
I'll Have A Large Doner Please Mate - And Hold The Aerial Bombardment

Customers lining up outside Ali Bullo's kebab van near Dorking Leisure Park last night got the shock of their lives when they came under fire from an Apache helicopter gunship.

It is thought that the helicopter crew became disorientated, and mistook the kebab van for a Taleban terrorist cell who were probably planning on blowing up the bowling alley, or the ice rink, across the road.

Dorking police confirmed this afternoon that a fast food outlet in the vicinity of the leisure park had indeed come under heavy calibre machine gun fire at 1am this morning, confirming that three people had been attended at the scene by paramedics, none of which had sustained gunshot wounds.

An RAF spokesman denied that the Apache helicopter was 'one of ours' which only led to further speculation. Residents in the vicinity of nearby RAF Odiham said that they weren't aware of any Apache activity in the vicinity.

Shocked kebab van proprietor, Ali Bullo, told reporters at the scene:

"Me have customers in line. Many customer. Am cutting kebab like crazy man to feed drinky full peeps and putting many chicken shish on grill as Mehmet, him cutting salad, when bladdy hellingchopter coming and shooting like crazy man at van. Bladdy bullets blow up sauces! Nearly hit bladdy gas bottle! Me have big bladdy holes in van innit! Me want to know who pay for sauces! Ketchup, salad cream, chilli sauce, garlic sauce, piri-piri - all bladdy gone innit. And holes in van leaky rainwater innit. Bastards!"

Surrey Ambulance Service issued a statement to the effect that three people had been treated for drink related accidents as they dove for cover during the attack, but described the injuries sustained as 'minor.'

Buckingham Palace denied any involvement.

Ali Bullo stated that he will be open as usual tonight, adding that he'd keep the sauces under the counter, out of harm's way. Along with the other stuff...

More as we get it.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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