London - Global style icon and royal gravy train sponger Kate Middleton wowed Oxford crowds today with a hideous brown shirtwaister last seen on Coronation Street's Hilda Ogden.
"All that was missing were some curlers and the ubiquitous headscarf," a Help The Aged charity shop worker commented as the dowdy outfit failed to pass muster among locals.
The entirely spurious and self-publicising visit to a special needs school saw Kate pimp her wannabe status as the next House of Windsor clothes whorse to capture the nation's imagination.
"She needs a full length mirror and a lie detector test for whoever is putting together her rubbish wardrobe," Cowley boutique owner Gwen Tilling told reporters.
Another onlooker commented that the other vapid royal fashion diva Princess Diana wouldn't have been seen dead in such a dreadful frock 'unless of course a very substantial six-figure sum was on offer'.
"Maybe she donned it for a dare?"