Written by queen mudder
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Tuesday, 21 February 2012

image for Woman's Pancake Day shock horror as Turin Shroud face appears in blini
The pensioner's husband was long suffering much like Knights Templar Grand Master Jacques de Molay

London - Barking resident Mrs Hilda Ricketts has spoken of her dismay after a Pancake Day mix-up with her husband's ashes saw a Turin Shroud-like apparition pop up in her blini.

Apparently she mistook a jar of the late Jock Ricketts' cremated remains for some buckwheat flour which she then proceeded to mix with eggs, yeast, salt and milk ahead of the tragic mid-morning fry-up.

"I thought the batter was a bit off-looking," the octogenarian epicure commented to reporters from local rag the Barking Observer, "but then that's organic buckwheat flour for you - greyish, lumpy and full of gritty bits."

It wasn't until she'd flipped her first pancake that suspicions rose and an ominous crown-of-thorns image of Jacques de Molay - Grand Master of the Knights Templar - materialised slap bank in the middle of the skillet.

"Hello, I said to myself, what's this?" Mrs R continued as she described a growing feeling of unease.

Then it dawned on her to check the flour jar one more time before the horrible penny dropped.

It then took all of twenty minutes and a pot of Lapsang Souchong to stifle latent urges to phone the Pope with news of her extraordinary sighting.

"Nah, in the end I thought to myself it's not like either of us was ever Catlick," the retiree explained, "besides someone said to put it up on ebay, might get a fiver for it."

The late Jock Ricketts was 104.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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