Written by D Agnew
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Wednesday, 8 February 2012

image for River cottage arson attack?
Pot noodle facilty destroyed by rightous flames of justice

Foppish pig fiddler Hugh Fearnley-Whittingstall was today at the centre of an arson inquiry, after the landmark river cottage was burnt down.

Curly haired Hugh a celebrity chef known for his trademark lack of food hygiene and eating pigs testicles was embroiled in the drama after flames were spotted coming from the roof. Thankfully the fire interrupted filming of his new TV series, sparing viewers from Hugh's smug self-importance and apparent ability to be a one man farmer army.

Slow to respond, Fire crews from Devon were in attendance at the farm after being dragged from the pub. The damage to the historic building was described as significant with the whole of the pot-noodle facility destroyed, and severe smoke damage to the curry-in-a-pot ready meals section.

Hugh, who recently cut his hair short and used it as an ingredient in a signature dish along with a pig's penis and mud refused to comment today, although rumours were buzzing on the twittersphere this morning that Heston Blumenthal could have had something to do with it. Some calling for HFW to "punch him in his four eyed face."

Police are investigating the fire have released Jamie Oliver on bail pending a review of CCTV footage showing the maverick chef buying a milk bottle's worth of petrol from the all night garage.
Jamie's friend. who we met down at the bus station, refused to comment simply stating that Jamie was working at a local school interfering with the dinner ladies.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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