Written by IainB
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Saturday, 4 February 2012

image for Punctuation to be made optional in all online material
When writing with a pen the jubilant full stop at the end of an angry sentence will still be allowed

Due to a deteriorating command of the English language it has been determined that punctuation is no longer required in any material to be put on line

It just confuses things said Don Caster head of English at Oxford University Nobody needs punctuation to understand online material and its extra bandwidth usage makes it an expensive luxury additionally it will allow keyboards to be more compact as they can have a dozen less keys

Losing punctuation has the added benefit of allowing those people who lack basic grammar skills to compete on an equal footing with those that have spent years learning their trade in journalism as well as those that managed to stay awake in English class

People will get used to it said Caster and learn to love it who knows once its been going for a while capitals can also be removed saving millions of wasted man hours with having to press the shift key Im sure everybody will agree that both reading and writing can only be improved by the removal of punctuation marks

Most online posters struggle with basic punctuation such as putting a full stop at the end of a sentence and cannot distinguish between quotes for speech and quotes for quotes but they will no longer be penalised by the pedantic for omitting such elementary punctuation as nobody will be using any punctuation anywhere

Lets face it said Caster you can count on the fingers of one hand the number of people who know when to use a semicolon or a colon and the removal of all online punctuation will mean that their supercilious manner regarding the lack of correct usage by other people will no longer be relevant or necessary

The lack of punctuation will also mean that more stories can be approved more rapidly on sites like the Spoof where they are currently disapproved due to basic mistakes that make the story look amateurish and in some cases extremely difficult to read When nobody is using punctuation then everybody will be able to bang out any old rubbish faster and with less care and attention allowing readers much more rapid access to half thought out crap

Our next move is to abandon the use of spell checkers said Caster so that there is one less step between the stream of consciousness that makes for a more interesting read online and its actual publication

Who isnt looking forward to that day

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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