Written by Deafo
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Friday, 3 February 2012

John Terry refused to resign as England captain as he did not have the legs to stand down, according to a source close to the player.

The Chelsea skipper, who received a date for his trial on charges of racial abuse, would have needed to undergo an intensive training programme tailored to the upward and downward motion required to vacate the post.

The source told us, 'John's legs packed up years ago, as any season ticket holder at Stamford Bridge could tell you.'

'Even human evolution could outpace him so it's going to take someone to give a firm nudge in the right direction, rather than him do the honourable thing and fall on the same sword his team mates wives frequently find themselves upon.'

'But you know, one would have thought that a charge of racist abuse for a man whose hand shakes are as welcomed as a positive HIV test might force the FA to step into force the issue.'

Senior Executives at the FA were said to be concerned that pre-judging the outcome of the trial by removing Terry from post would be seen as locking the door to the manger before the saviour had been born.

A spokesman who wished to remain anonymous claimed everyone at the FA stood right behind the player despite stripping him of the captaincy.

'Absolutely, we are 100% behind John.'

'Mainly because you just don't know what orifice he is going to stick his man bat into next.'

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