Written by Inchcock
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Saturday, 28 January 2012

image for Pensioner Ejected from Bus in Nottingham - Police attended the ensuing fracas
Similar finger to that used by Mr Cofinreddy, but without welts, boils and lesions!

A public disturbance took place yesterday on Mansfield Road, outside the Victoria Centre Shopping main entrance in Nottingham City centre.

Police were called to a fracas on a number 58 bus, as the driver tried to eject a male pensioner, who it seemed attacked the driver while embarking the vehicle.

The man, Ebenezer Cofinreddy (68), suffering from an unknown painful disease on his hands and fingers, causing welts, boils, and lesions, along with his arthritis playing up - took exception it appears, to the drivers dirty looks and saying "Christ, why do I always get um!" as he struggled to get his bus-pass out, then one of his hearing aids fell out, delaying the queue getting on the bus even longer.

He then prodded one of his infested fingers in the eye of the driver, calling him "An impatient git", and squealing with the pain from his finger.

As the police arrived and surrounded the 5'2" bald decrepit pensioner, fellow passengers called for them to 'Leave the poor old git alone'.

They carried him off the bus, as the crowds gathered, and tried to calm him down - at which point Mr Cofinreddy asked a policeman to retrieve his right hearing aid from the bus.

As the officer bent down to get it, and Mr Cofinreddy kicked him up his back-side falling over as he did it then squealing again in agony with the pain from his arthritic knees.

At this point, Mr Cofinreddy was handcuffed.

He was taken to the Central police-station, where he was un-hand-cuffed and charged with affray. Then given a meal and placed in a cell overnight.

He was let off with a verbal warning this morning.

He quoted to our reporter when asked how he felt:
"Yer, honky mi duck, free food, free electricity un tea.
At home, I'd ran out of nosh, un 'ad me electricity cut off yer see! Now where's the bus stop?"

And he hobbled away whistling and scratching his hands vigorously.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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