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Friday, 6 January 2012

image for Rodent population has soared since Larry the Downing Street cat's arrival
Two skipfulls of dead rodents were carted away from the Christmas cull

London - "They may be attracted to the pungent trail of Nick Clegg's er, aftershave," head of No 10 policy research admitted this morning, "you just can't compete with that sort of pong if you're a cat without balls."

Reports that the neutered mog in charge of anti-rodent operations has been sleeping on the job have been rife after pest control officers found a vast rats' nest under the floor boards in the Cabinet Room.

They were gassed during the Christmas holidays in a last ditch attempt to destroy the infestation amid hysteria that a new outbreak of bubonic plague could be imminent.

Today a new colony is suspected of having moved in via a network of cunning boreholes leading to the building's kitchens from a suspected fast breeding program next door at the Treasury.

Of course Prime Monster David Cameron would never sanction the accusation that his Chancellor George Osborne is harbouring vermin at taxpayer expense.

"The very notion of Osborne and Clegg colluding innit together is preposterous," the Cabinet Secretary said today.

Larry may now be replaced by a female feline whose track record of cleaning up the Lords is a matter of national pride.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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