Written by Alan Bama
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Thursday, 29 December 2011

image for Brand and Perry in Xmas News Splash

Russell Brand and Katy Perry have made a joint assault on the nation's press pages during the news lull that traditionally last betwixt the Boxing day sales and New Year's drunkenness stories. Basically they haven't been getting enough. Publicity.

By being photographed in separate sea bathing incidents on distinct continents they have crept back into the public's consciousness. Just. Moreover by the simple device of "no commenting" they have refused to rule out divorce, death or decency, sending the stand-in news editors into a frenzy of speculative headline puns: Perry Ex-mas; Brand-Tan-No; Perry in Coma; I am the WalRus.

Media commentator and general know-it-all Danny Finklestein of The Times said "Statistics show that they would have been better to simply do something that they both do well, like kiss girls, rather than go the headline junky route a la Sid and Nancy." This last appears to be reference to another celebrity half wit couple who came to a sticky end.

Brand is about to release five more hilarious films in each of which he plays slightly louche blokes trying to appear more rowdy than he really is. Meanwhile he is also being lines up to play Frankie Cocozza in the forthcoming X-Factor movie. Katy had also planned to appear, blacked up as Kelly Rowland, but insiders say Alexandra Burke has got the gig again (ok dot com!)

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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