Written by Skoob1999
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Topics: Christmas

Sunday, 25 December 2011

image for British Men Advised To Ignore 'Soiled Ladies Panties' Christmas 'Special Offers' From Overseas
Sexy? (Not A Realistic Representation.)

Interpol issued an alert this fine Christmas morning advising male EU citizens, and particularly British internet users, to reject online offers of a free pair of soiled panties from an unnamed overseas source, in return for friendship and priority status on the Farcebook page of the mysterious benefactor.

It seems that the offers have been flooding the internet during the festive season, purporting to come from a 'hot, long legged blonde' who claims to be a bit of a swinger, who has a husband, a secret lover, and a bevy of gullible male devotees, and who is so hot that she simply doesn't have enough hours in any given day to bestow sexual gratification upon her many admirers. Along with a vow to keep them fortified with a continuous stream of nonsensical drivel, with a narcissistic bent.

A bit like former Spoof writer Chamone, who wasn't really a girl at all, but who fooled a bunch of daft old perves so successfully that the drool created formed a lake, the size of Lake Erie.

And those concerned never got over the embarrassment, after becoming embroiled in an online masturbatory frenzy.

Duped by a picture of cleavage.

But according to Interpol, it's all just an elaborate scam.

Inspector Jaques Pierre Sellers told a hastily convened press conference at the Sorbonne:

"This whole thing is little more than a confidence trick. This so-called hot mama, with the endless legs, the big boobies, and the insatiable sexual appetite, is in reality a grey haired old biddy, with varicose veins, mental health issues, and a fanny like a bag of toasted breadcrumbs. For some deluded reason, she likes to portray herself as hot stuff, and frequently claims to be conducting a passionate clandestine affair with a nautical man with an overwhelming penchant for masturbation. None of which is true. It is all a deluded fantasy. I would strongly advise British men to ignore her desperate overtures, and her offer of free soiled panties. And in any case, the panties of this fat virus ridden old tart are large enough to envelop a pair of suburban semi detached houses. The air freight alone would cost a small fortune, and the stains would keep the Center For Disease Control in Atlanta, Georgia, occupied for months. My advice would be to run a mile if approached with such an offer. This lunatic is like a rabid dog with a bone. Happy Christmas!"

Here at Skoob News, we haven't got the foggiest idea what all this is about, but as we have a duty to report breaking news stories, we ran with the story.

We hereby extend our apologies to any sexually frustrated old biddies out there, with an arse as wide as a double decker bus is long, but we're only reporting the news as we get it.

In actual fact, we're probably just a bit bored really and don't have anything meaningful to do.

That's enough of that.

MERRY CHRISTMAS to our four readers. Especially the one who kindly sent a Christmas pud to our office.

Send the custard next time as well you cheapskate bastard!

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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