London - A drop of hemlock in her bedtime Horlicks (sic) may be the preferred method to dispatch HM to the land of perpetual royal nod.
Secret deals between Palace courtiers and No 10 have picked tomorrow's Festival of Lights ceremonies to finally see off the Illuminati's problem Queen.
The ancient Hanukkah ritual of dousing the cuppa has roots in a 175BC rite initiated by someone called Antiochus IV Epiphanes.
The old despot was notorious for pandering to Hellenizing faction supporters - the latterday forbears of Philip The Greek.
Today those Hellenizing factions are bust and Greece teeters on the verge of bankruptcy - something that No 10 describes as typical of the House of Windsor itself.
A quick glance at the government guidelines for dysfunctional set-ups confirms key criteria identifying roots of the rot.
These include: no one is in work (as in Kate Middleton who's never had a job in her life); the family's income is low (royal gravy train handouts have been frozen); it has poor accommodation (Buckingham Palace is crumbling); no one has a qualification (apart from Wills and Harry who are certified crooks) and the mother has mental-health problems (psychotic delusions 'like she thinks she's Queen').
Camilla Fucker-Proles may also 'get a dose' - probably of organic strychnine from the Highgrove mixed border of borderline psychopathic remedies.