Written by queen mudder
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Friday, 9 December 2011

image for Queen to abdicate this lunar eclipse weekend
Eclipsed Gemini full moon 'is on her case' according to some

London - At their 'Fourth Protocol' bunker at RAF Valley in Anglesey, Wales, Kate and Wills are having none of it, of course.

Daft superstitions hold no fear for this royal gravy train branch line whose own wedding took place on the 66th anniversary of Adolf Hitler's bunker nuptials.

A recent sitting at the London College of Psychic Studies saw La Middleton reassured that the 'phantom pregnancy' is being sorted ahead of a full-on Queen's Diamond Jubilee birth next year.

At the UK's Hellfire Club HQ the mood is ever so slightly less cheery, however.

Grandees remain convinced that this Saturday's occultation shadow path is about to fall on Queen Elizabeth, seventy five years after the penultimate Emperor of India's abdication.

Advance warnings from the ether have seen Hellfire members scurry to withdraw their Euro currency bank stashes amid persistent rumors that 'the old gal's about to snuff it'.

And it doesn't look good for ex-Royal Bank of Scotland CEO Fred 'The Shred' Goodwin either - given his stewardship of the disastrous takeover of the Queen's bankers C**ts & Co and the royal slush fund's subsequent collapse.

Wildcat rumors suggest Fred 'must the Queen's own bastard spawn' and that he oiled the wheels for his 'daughter' Sophie Rees-Jones to blag her way into a lifetime of royal handouts.

"All total bollox, of course," if how one bank PR put it.

"Queen Elizabeth's karma is in excellent health," a Palace source proclaimed this morning.

"Our own forecasters are confident she'll easily live until 100 after spearheading a miraculous economic turnaround of troubled Eurozone finances.

"Wanna check the splayed intestines that predict the birth of royal twins on Christmas Day 2012??"

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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