Yorkshire - Miss Verrity Blewstocking, MA Oxon (Hons), confirmed today she'd been schmoozed 'for more than five years' by Tony Blair to accept a damehood for service to education.
"I first turned it down on aesthetic grounds," the headmistress of Custardpie Towers public school admitted in a newsletter, "because he was such a feckless, war-mongering, Bush-fellating, Opus Dei-shagging kinda ignorant spiv.
"But the following year there he was at it again, pleading with me to join his higher education stink tank - can you believe it??
"I said 'hop it, lowlife, I know your game' - and promptly fell foul of his missus Cherie.
Blewstocking was then inundated with yet more begging letters ahead of several Honors list recruitment drives until she 'lost her rag' and called the cops.
"That shut him up awhile as he proceeded with a campaign to get several other public school heads on his New Year's Honors list," Blewstocking added.
"Of course Jennifer Moron of the St Shaggaburger's College for Wayward Young Women accepted, as did Fenella Witless of Marijuana High.
"The astonishing thing is these two were both soon made directors of British and US banks that suddenly, er, ended belly-up insolvent in the bankruptcy courts.
"I've thanked my lucky stars ever since that a certain alumna tipped me the wink at one of our Old Girls reunions.
"My life has now completely turned around following her Big Oil and Gas share tips."
Custardpie Towers may now go co-ed and accept lesbians as well as straight hetero gals.