Written by Skoob1999
Rating:

Share/Bookmark
Print this

Saturday, 26 November 2011

image for Nick Clegg All Set To Blow £1Billion Of Taxpayers Money On Madcap Scheme
Nick Clegg - Making A C**t Out Of Everybody.

That nice Nick Clegg has announced that in a bid to combat youth unemployment, and prevent future outbreaks of rioting and looting by disaffected teens, that the government will foot half of the wage bill for employers who hire young people on minimum wage rates.

It's not yet quite clear yet where the money is coming from, although the smart gamblers are putting their money on the taxpayer, with the financial sector currently ranked at 1000-1 against subsidising the madcap scheme.

"So, and let me get this right," Local man, Martin Shuttlecock told reporters. "We're going to invest a billion in order to promote youth employment at minimum wage rates, and in so doing, we'll eliminate gun and knife crime, and give the fucking hoodies a reason to be. What a load of old shit! They're talking about flipping burgers and digging graves and shit like that. Why would any kid want to do that when they can smash Comet's doors down for fuck all and do a runner with twenty 50" HD TV's and a load of X-Boxes? It's a no-brainer..."

Renowned economist, Professor Luigi Cilantro, told reporters that the scheme was nothing but a rehashed version of Margaret Thatcher's Youth Opportunities scheme, which led to thousands of young people endlessly smoking cigarettes and pissing about for six months, usually in public places, whilst doing very little, and getting paid in shrapnel. Before being sacked the moment the government subsidies ran out.

"It's a fucking stupid idea," Shuttlecock said. Adding: "Mind you - it's a stupid government too. I can just envision kids from Hackney, Toxteth, Handsworth and Moss Side lining up in droves to take minimum wage jobs."

In Related News: Share values in McDonald's, Burger King, KFC and Ali Bullo's chain of kebab vans rose sharply in the city.

More as we get it.

Make Skoob1999's day - give this story five thumbs-up (there's no need to register, the thumbs are just down there!)

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

If you fancy trying your hand at comedy spoof news writing, click here to join!

Print this


Share/Bookmark

Mailing List

Get Spoof News in your email inbox!

Email:

What's 5 multiplied by 5?

8 25 17 21

Go to top