Written by Sidney Bollocks
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Saturday, 26 November 2011

image for Scientists Find The Thatcher Genes
Thatcher's genome will be securely stored in the Cabinet War Room

Genetic scientists have achieved a major breakthrough in increasing our understanding of the human genome, now being able to identify genes which are directly responsible for specific personal attributes.

Dr Xyy Chromo-Some, who has led the research, explained "We wanted to study a subject with prominent personal attributes, in order to be able to establish a strong link between these features and particular genes. Lady Thatcher graciously provided us with a specimen of nasal mucus for the purpose of our research".

Dr Chromo-Some went on to say, "Our study has been most revealing. Not only have we isolated the gene which enabled Lady Thatcher to survive on as little as four hours sleep a night, but we have also linked specific genes to some of her other characteristics. For example, we have identified the gene which gave her a faux, whiny, patronising voice and the gene which rendered her unable to listen to anybody else's point of view. We now know which gene was responsible for her never having a hair out of place and which one made her get under the skin of Michael Heseltine and Geoffrey Howe".

However, Dr Chromo-Some's research has not been as entirely successful as he would have hoped. He said, "Unfortunately, we are still unable to offer any explanation whatsoever for the existence of Mark Thatcher".

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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