Written by Don Tickle
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Topics: Racism

Sunday, 13 November 2011

As part of its 'Challenge Austerity' measures, the government today published plans to allow spitting at minorities in trial areas. The hitherto taboo practice, known to enthusiasts as 'fleming the goat', will be allowed anywhere in the home counties from January 1st.

A government spokeswoman said: "It is widely understood that measures must be taken to encourage those in deprived areas of the UK to move to where the employment exists. The government feels the measure will aid UK economic recovery and lift national moral in these harsh economic times."

The move has been widely applauded. Both the CBI and TUC support the plans, with some even calling for them to go further. Dave Sterner, General secretary of The National Union of Train Signalmen (NUTS), said: "Why stop at spitting? What about pushing, shoving, general manhandling? We need radical solutions to create jobs and aid investment."

A spokesperson for minorities said: "Fleming in designated areas we have no problem with. We simply wouldn't go there. But any across the board spitting we object to, and if the plans go ahead, we encourage all minorities to violently attack anyone who attempts to spit on them."

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