Written by pterodactyl
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Topics: Railway

Tuesday, 8 November 2011

image for Closed Lines to Re-Open
Captain Darling has entered the history books!

Some years down the line, a decision this week has been taken to nip two problems in the bud and solve the crisis of overcrowded roads in the UK and get the entire benefit system shut down simultaneously.

The current Minister of Transport announced that all major rail trunk-routes closed in England, Wales and Scotland would be re-instated under a massive work programme and bring full employment to certain sectors of the population who had never worked or who had claimed benefit whilst working. 80% of these two groups will be merged whilst the remaining 20% will be compulsorily monitoring the former sector through the use of Sat Nav homing devices and CCTV.

Preparation work for re-instating the 'lost lines will be undertaken by those who are physically handicapped, ie unable to lift a shovel, pick-axe or other manual tool and operate track machinery. Those active members of society between the ages of 16 and 69 will be recruited nationwide to bring about a 3rd revolution in carbon-reduced railway travel systems. They will be free to undertake any required physical activity.

The first 6 months will, however, be paid in kind as a proving-ground of their ability to turn up each day. The first routes will include London to Sheffield via Aylesbury and Leicester; the second route will be between Bournemouth and Bristol. Any existing property unfortunate enough to have been placed on track bed will be compulsorily purchased.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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