Written by queen mudder
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Sunday, 6 November 2011

image for Human crap found inside St Paul's
Planners have suggested installing one of these outside the North Transept

London - Pikey elements among the ragbag of Occupy protesters have been blamed for taking a dump on the red carpet at St Paul's.

Clerics wielding disinfectant, mops and rubber waders are said to be fuming after human waste was discovered near the West Slops - er...Steps! - Cathedral entrance in a latrine area reserved for senior C of E officials.

The area was cordoned off this afternoon as Thames Water confirmed it would speed up plans for the London river's subterranean Relief Sewer to be diverted to cope with the new effluent now amassing in the City.

But other public bodies are less forgiving with one Corporation of London big wig adamant that the entire sordid protest gang should be 'hosed down with carbolic' before being sent packing back to Dale Farm in Essex from where many originate.

"What would JESUS do?" City Alderman Sir Algy Pintuck of Gutter Lane Ward harrumphed at reporters.

"Absolutely nothing, because he wasn't a Christian and loathed dodgy Stalinist clerics like the Archbitch of Canterbury.

"Still, the human turds collecting on the doorstep are adding an element of revulsion; wanna see pix of Dr Desmond Tutu's brand new wet-room cum tattoo parlor?"

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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