Written by queen mudder
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Monday, 31 October 2011

image for Pastafarians' $1bn global HQ in Birmingham's Spaghetti Junction
SatNav's Gnoodle Map of the proposed construction site

Birmingham - The international fight against dodgy durum wheat products intensified today with the announcement that the Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster is to relocate to an iconic new HQ in the Midlands.

Church followers - known as Pastafarians - are bankrolling construction of the $1 billion Puttanesca Twin Towers building in the Spaghetti Junction area of Birmingham.

It will serve as a global hub delivering 'saucy' messages about the Church's position on missionaries, spaghetti westerns and haute couture's obsession with spaghetti straps in up-market women's clothing design.

Announcing the creation of Birmingham's largest ecclesiastical erection a PR spokesperson also mentioned high hopes for a new era of rapprochement with pesky Somali pirates.

The marine renegades are viewed by the Pastafarian Church as 'absolute divine beings' who have been demonized by international arms dealing cartels 'hellbent on arming Global Piss Process transportation such as the Isle of Wight Ferry'.

In 2008 self-styled Church elder Pastor (sic) Bobby Henderson reminded international law enforcement agencies that Somalia has 'the highest number of pirates and the lowest carbon emissions of any country'.

A subsequent attempt to build the Pastafarian world HQ in Mogadishu was scrapped amid fears such a carbon-negative atmosphere could damage church followers' respiratory systems.

Construction of the Birmingham HQ begins tomorrow.

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