Written by IainB
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Topics: eBay, cockle picking

Thursday, 27 October 2011

image for Cocklers rescued from an eBay boat
Morecambe Bay currently

Seven cocklers were rescued from Morecambe Bay yesterday after they got into difficulties due to their boat bought from eBay earlier in the week being completely unsuitable.

"Ah, yeah, well, yeah," said local fisherman Neal Lamprey. "I was walkin down to the job centre when I saw them out there with the tide coming in waving like the UN flags. I figured I'd better ring the coastguard, what with the Bay bein dangerous an all."

Lamprey realised that the fishermen of various nationalities were in trouble when he saw their boat was completely unsuitable.

"Well, their boat was, well, yeah, furry," said Lamprey. "I've been a fisherman for thirty of me fifty years since I was ten, and I've never seen a furry boat."

The rescued cocklers had not realised that their boat would be unsuitable.

"Perhaps they typed bat not boat?" said Lamprey. "They'd probably have been better off buyin cockles off eBay. eBay should have been the only Bay they went near."

The boat itself was a super-sized slipper complete with monster claws that had been bought by Jarred Smallfoot as a normal slipper from China, but due to a mistake in the measurements was delivered as a seven foot long slipper instead of eleven inches. Jarred Smallfoot decided that, whilst good for a giggle and a moment of fame in the papers, he couldn't keep the slipper and sold it on eBay.

"I don't know why they thought it was a boat," said Smallfoot. "I said it was as big as a boat, not that an owl and a pussy cat could sail to sea in it."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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