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Saturday, 22 October 2011

image for 'Sir Richard Branson's Ghost Train Roller-Coaster Ride Of Terror' To Open Near Sandy Balls
The People's Princess Of Hearts Station

Sir Richard Branson has bounced back again from the depths of adversity, following his recent disappointment, as his plans for 'The People's Princess of Hearts and Landmines' Giant Sir Richard Branson Log Flume Ride' in conjunction with the Princess Diana Memorial Fountain extension in central London came to nothing.

Enthused by the white-knuckle ride bug, Sir Richard has been seen recently tapping furiously away on his iPad, apparently determined to establish the world's fastest and scariest roller coaster ride in his native England.

Insiders report that Sir Richard has secured a site in rural Hampshire, in the heart of the New Forest, quite close to the Sandy Balls Holiday Centre.

Construction is expected to begin on site in approximately fifteen minutes, as Sir Richard is not one to hang about.

Insiders say that 'Sir Richard Branson's Ghost Train Roller-Coaster Ride Of Terror' will whisk riders at speeds of up to 220mph, over six miles of tubular steel track, through the New Forest trees, adhering strictly to the natural contours of the landscape, apart from three enormous vertical drops, two corkscrews, a water splash and three loop the loops.

Riders on the attraction will enjoy the added bonus of being terrorised by swooping pterodactyls, attacked by UFO's, stalked by psychopaths wearing hockey masks, braving raging infernos and flash floods, and being fired upon with live ammunition by rogue police officers.

The boarding point for the innovative ride will be the Sir Norman Foster designed 'The People's Princess Of Hearts' station, a classic design in hand finished Tuscan marble, which will be staffed by embittered old codgers bloated by their own sense of importance, who will taunt passengers mercilessly and spout bile on riders from over a fence.

It seems doubtful that the new attraction will open in time for the 2012 olympics, but Sir Richard promises to pull out all the stops.

A spokesperson for the Sandy Balls Holiday Centre welcomed the new attraction, saying that it would attract new business to the area, but expressed reservations about the embittered old codgers.

"We don't need that sort of thing around here," she said.

More as we get it.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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