Written by Deafo
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Thursday, 20 October 2011

The government plans to launch a new lotto style 'National Hottery' to provide the warmth of hope to those members of the electorate struggling to combat the rising problem of 'fuel poverty', according to a leaked report.

The report claims that government concerns about the anticipated difficulty the population faces in being able to afford the cost of keeping themselves in enough heat to successfully negotiate the winter, will see the launch of two weekly draws where the winner will be kept warm long enough to ensure their passage to spring 2012.

A government insider, who wished to remain as nameless as he was faceless, confirmed the proposals were significantly more than just a tepid-pipe dream.

He told us 'Yes its all true.'

'The government recognises that if the population is going to be as cold as it inevitably will be as they fail to meet the repayments on their energy bills, they will require at least some hope that they may one day be excessively warm.'

'You can expect the 'National Hottery' to fill that breach when it is launched within the next fortnight.'

'It will be slightly different the current lotto system in that the winner will be deemed the person whose National Insurance number matches those numbers drawn and will not require members of the public to buy tickets.'

The insider revealed that in instances where there was no winner, the unallocated heat would be split amongst good causes.

'We will divert any excess back unto the national grid where those poor energy suppliers whose bill repayments haven't been met can get some recompense.'

The insider declined to comment on claims the fact draw would not include any of the letters required to complete a National Insurance number was a rouse to further increase the profits of energy suppliers.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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