Written by Skoob1999
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Thursday, 29 September 2011

image for Wellies - Even The Queen Wears 'Em!
"I Don't Care Who Designed Your Fucking Wellies - Leave My Hind Legs out Of This - Pervert!"

There seems to be little doubt that the humble Wellington boot, or 'wellie' as it is popularly known seems set to dominate this season's winter collection at the London Fashion Show.

The humble wellie - a sort of galvanised rubber boot designed to keep the water out of your socks as you wade through floodwater has long been a neglected fashion accessory - even though the Queen wears them frequently, and even the late Freddie Mercury, former lead singer of top rock band, Queen, admitted wearing wellies once.

At a mad party where he tried to tap up Scouse former light heavyweight boxing champion, John Conteh.

Who was having none of it. At the time. Or since, if he's to be believed. Which he ought to be because he was a damned good boxer...

Rumour has it that disgraced racist anti-Semitic bigot fashion designer, John Galliano, is planning to open a wellie factory in Kendal, in England's historic Lake District, as soon as he gets off the piss, although Kate Moss stated that she couldn't confirm it.

In the meantime, Fotheringaye's, a local wellie producer from Haslingden, Lancs - better known as the home of Holland's legendary pies - has pledged to plug the gap in wellie availability.

"We've got the lads working flat out in order to meet demand," Dunlop Dunlopski, a Polish national, told Skoob News. "The fact of the matter is, that if the people want wellies, we'll give the people wellies. The lads back home are all lining up at the free bus stops in Krakow to come to England to make wellies for the people!"

HRH Queen Elizabeth II issued a statement saying that she wasn't amused.

Manchester City's pariah striker, Carlos Tevez stated that he already has twelve pairs of wellies, so he won't be buying any more in the foreseeable future, unless Mancini changes his mind, in which case, Tevez would be delighted to spearhead a Citeh attack force with Mario Balotelli. In wellies.

Scottish comedian, Billy 'The Big Yin' Connolly said that he didn't understand what all the fuss was about.

"Fair play tae 'em, and that," Connolly said, stifling a giggle. "Mebbes I can reprieve all the auld wellie jokes...ya know...but I dinnae want a fallin' oot wi' the Welsh. I couldnae afford tae be seen bein' politically incorrect. Noo could I? Ye bastarts..."

The Pope announced from the Vatican today that, sadly, he'd be unable to get involved in wellie promoting, as he hates wellies, because of the way they chafe your calves.

Lead singer of Irish rock combo, U2, Bono - said that he'll endorse anything as long as there's a few Euros in it for him.

HRH Prince Philip, the Duke of Edinburgh, in his usual tactful way told reporters:

"Wellies? Aren't they the things that the oiks wear on their feet as they stick the sheep's back legs down the wellies to keep the sheep pacified whilst they're serving the fuckers a portion? From behind? Oh dear...I've come over all faint..."

More when we've worked out what it's all about.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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