The Hadron Collider, the device used to explore the boundaries of quantum mechanics and sub-atomic particle acceleration, has been stolen from its underground compound in Switzerland.
Scrap metal thieves are believed to have broken into the site during routine maintenance and made off with the sixty thousand ton collider tied to the back of a Ford Transit. Detectives are now appealing for its immediate return, along with the microwave from the staff canteen, and are confident that it appear on eBay within a few days.
In a related story, one of the detectives from the case has also been targeted by scrap metal thieves.
Mr Robbo Cop, a former police officer injured in the line of duty and re-instated as an armoured law enforcement cyborg as part of a disability awareness scheme, was last seen being taken away in a wheelbarrow.
Police have appealed for his immediate return as this officer is the only one who can programme their Sky box.