Written by Ellis Ian Fields
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Tuesday, 20 September 2011

image for Cyber Attacks Investigators Focus On Worthing 'Silver Surfers'
Cynthia Danvers missed an opportunity to hit the Littlehampton mob with strategic missiles.

International authorities investigating a spate of cyber attacks are concentrating their efforts on the UK south coast town of Worthing.

Recent attacks, described as an epidemic by security specialists, have seen US defence officials' e-mails hacked and a cyber assault on Japan's major weapons manufacturer.

But the trails have led to the Belvedere Sheltered Housing Home in Worthing, a pleasant complex close the A258 overlooking the sea.

"It were an accident honest," said resident Ernest Blofeld. "A couple of the girls - that Nellie de Ville and Cynthia Danvers - they bet me I couldn't order a pizza online.

"Well, I tried to get onto the Napoli Pizza House in town, but all of a sudden there were all these instructions for launching rockets! Well, I got out of there sharpish - I only wanted a Margerita."

Mrs Danvers added: "The daft old bugger missed a chance there. We could have taken out that bloody Littlehampton mob - they're always coming up here trying to lord it over us of a weekend."

Unfortunately for Belvedere's residents, the lounge computer's hard drive has been replaced by the management, and Mr Blofeld says he can't remember what he did to access the Pentagon's security system.

"My old Doris's birth date won't get me in now," he lamented.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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