Written by IainB
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Sunday, 18 September 2011

image for Andrew Lloyd Webber will pen the opening ceremony for 2012 Olympics
Flamenco is a typically English Dance when done on roller-skates

The British Olympic Committee has approached Andrew Lloyd Webber to produce the choreography for the London 2012 Olympics.

"He is the perfect choreographer," said Seb Coe, who is inexplicably in charge of the whole thing. "He typifies British Big Theatre. Cats, Starlight Express, that other one with Madonna in it, you know the one."

"I'm looking forward to creating a whole new set," said Webber after the news was broken. "I've already started work on the Military Tattoo on roller-skates."

It is expected that the final display will be a masterpiece of Webber proportions, full of special effects, roller-skates and Madonna.

"I have hired three hundred graffiti artists," said Webber. "They're going to dance and create a mural for the Olympics at the same time. It's going to be spectacular. If we can get the spray paint past security."

Although Webber prefers to use Madonna to do the vocals in his shows since Sarah Brightman called him a bastard and left with Hugh Grant. However, some have claimed that Madonna hardly typifies what it means to be British.

"We have come up with a solution," said Webber. "A typically British solution to the problem. We will be having a reality television talent game show called 2012."

Auditions for 2012 start next week, with 300 hopefuls hopeful to be winnowed down to the one that performs 2012 in front of the one hundred thousand people at the opening ceremony. The rest of the set will be made up with professional dancers and roller-skate stunts people.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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