Written by Skoob1999
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Saturday, 17 September 2011

image for 'The Dorking Review' Flies Off The Shelves...In Worthing...And Dorking...
"Buy This Book Now! I Pissed Myself Laughing! As You Can See!" - Alison Moyet .

A strange new book, entitled 'The Dorking Review' may not be taking the world by storm, but it's going down a bomb in Worthing...and, surprisingly enough, Dorking.

Booksellers and librarians in the aforementioned towns report receiving orders and requests in 'the tens of thousands' as the public clamour to have a quick shufty of the book, which is described on the cover, as being 'A Tissue Of Lies.'

The book, a collection of fantasies, distorted news, and outright lies appears to be written by the motliest collection of writers who ever picked up a pen - or tapped out rubbish on a keyboard.

Journalists have been seen scratching their heads in a bemused manner, and asking why the publication is proving to be so popular in Worthing, and Dorking?

"It's not just us," bookseller Henri Charriere, of Dorking told reporters. "Apparently the book is quite popular on the Isle of Wight too. I put it down to the discerning nature of the book-buying public in these locations - they won't just stand for any old rubbish - they want proper books. Books made out of paper, with words in them, and some really nice pictures. The Dorking Review doesn't disappoint in that respect - in fact, once you get past the first couple of stories, which are really shit - one about a schizophrenic burglar arresting himself, and one about Mary Poppins being held on drug charges - the book hits its stride and never lets up. In fact, the only thing this landmark publication appears to be lacking is a cover blurb by Stephen King telling the world how brilliant it is. He does that a lot. Probably never even reads half the shite he puts his name to."

Skoob Entertainment news managed to contact the author of the opening two "really shit" stories, and he told us:

"That Henri Charriere bloke talks out of his arse. The first two stories are the highlight of the book. Once I'd read them, I'd had enough. So I used my copy to light the barbecue."

Early reports indicate that the book has even sold a copy in Texas - a milestone which the writers will celebrate, by wearing stetsons, cowboy boots, gun belts, and by chowing down on bacon and egg burritos.

One clearly ecstatic writer proudly proclaimed:

"The book's flying off the fucking shelves like shit off a stick. At this rate I'll be getting a payout, and I might make enough to buy a pint can of Stella! Hurrah!"

Seems there's no stopping these guys now.

More as we get it.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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