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Thursday, 25 August 2011

Manchester United manager Sir Alex Ferguson has agreed to lift his ban on BBC conducted interviews, so long as he is only asked questions from a Sir Alex Ferguson compiled list of gentle queries.

The Scotsman had refused to answer any questions posed by the broadcaster after a 2004 documentary alleged his son, Jason, had received a more profitable brand of back hander than the one's frequently distributed by his father during his childhood.

BBC Director General, Mark Thompson, said he was happy to sacrifice the broadcaster's impartiality in order to secure Ferguson's pre and post-match diatribes choreographed to influence football officials up and down the land.

He told reporters, 'The BBC is delighted to announce its complicitness in fulfilling the agenda of one of Britain's most successful and overbearing football managers.'

'As one would expect, we have bent ourselves over to allow Sir Alex the most comfortable point of entry into our collective orifice as a way of recompense for fulfilling our brief of investigative journalism.'

'The probing questions of post 2004 are now a thing of the past and we are more than happy to comply with his concerted assault on the refereeing establishment.'

'Just view us as his broadcasting Howard Webb.'

Thompson revealed a selection of questions that Match of the Day viewers could expect to be hearing with a much greater frequency hence forth.

'You can expect 'That was a certain penalty wasn't it?' to make a steady stream of appearances, along with, 'We thought that was a sending off, what did you make of it?'

'No doubt they will have been penalties, and they should have been sending's off.'

'United! United!'

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