Written by Skoob1999
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Saturday, 20 August 2011

image for Arsenal - This Boat Is Sinking
Frimpong Red Carded For Crunching Tackle

It's going to be another unsettled week for Arsenal fans, after an own goal by Aaron Ramsey and a neatly worked goal from Suarez condemned the Gunners to a 0-2 home defeat by Loonypool.

Fans of the Arse have been imploring the club to spend some money, in order to strengthen a lightweight squad, following the departure of Fabregas - who left for Barcelona last weekend. The pleas however, went unheeded, and at a rain battered Emirates the Arse got a good spanking from Loonypool.

The Gunners were eventually booed off the park by the Gooners.

It's a sad state of affairs for a once proud club, who to this day maintain that their devoted fans are 'probably the biggest bunch of gobshites in the world.'

Commenting on the Arsenal crisis, Loonypool boss, Kenny Dogleash mumbled something incoherent in an indecipherable Weegie accent.

On Sky Sports, Gary Neville and Jamie Redknapp talked TV viewers to sleep.

Arsenal boss Arsene Wenger (AKA Arse Banger) refused to speak on camera, saying that he couldn't bear to hear yet another tired old gag about him not seeing something.

According to former Eurythmics vocalist, Annie Lennox, Arsenal's boat is sinking. Former Ultravox frontman Midge Ure said that it was probably Goodnight Vienna for the Arse.

Elvis Costello said that it was a shame about the Arse because he still doesn't want to go to Chelsea. Sting out of the Police stated that the Arse need to put out a red light, or something - although nobody seems quite sure what he was talking about.

Former Boomtown Rats frontman Bob Geldof said that he didn't really give a toss about the Arse, and that he was more interested in watching north London rivals Spurs play Man United on Monday.

Which is a bit unusual because, it seems that Bob Geldof really doesn't like Mondays.

Anyway, troubled times up the Arse indeed.

More as we get it.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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